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Innocent Spouse
This is a modern survival story. It chronicles my life after my husband Howard's sudden death in 1997, when I was left with his business, a decades old Washington, DC, bar named Nathans, which I didn't have a clue how to run. I was, and am, the least qualified bar owner ever. What came with Nathans was a universe of woe, chiefly in the form of a a multi-million dollar federal tax fraud case that was, to say the least, a complete surprise. All that mattered to me was the care and nurture of our 5-year-old son, who grieved for his loving dad, and then to hold onto my 30 year career in journalism and television. Quickly I learned that what I cared about, and what my new life demanded of me, would be at opposite ends.
In the course of my journey, trap doors, dragons, and avalanches were routine. I learned how to be something I'd never been - self-sufficient - and in the process became a grown up. I learned that when we're in the dark and alone, there's no point waiting for someone else to light a match.
I'm not tragic or a martyr. My husband wasn't a hero or a victim. He was a good guy who screwed up. I loved him. Nevertheless, he left me holding a bag that only now, seven years later, is still not empty of troubles.
Gwenyth Paltrow, portraying a woman who is suddenly widowed in the film "Bounce," stands in the street and talks to a man who is attracted to her, played by Ben Affleck. He wants life to be okay again for her and her two sons. She gives him a perplexed look. "Don't feel sorry for me," she says. "I am happy. I'm widow happy, but if you grade on a curve, I'm happy."
That's me, too.
I'm pleased to share this memoir with you and I hope you find it interesting. The first part, "Innocent Spouse," is a complete work and focuses on the first year after Howard died. The second part, when it is finished, will focus on everything that happened after those first harrowing twelve months. If you have thoughts or comments, please don't be shy: carol@nathansgeorgetown.com
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